VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
if only i could text you this smell
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
