I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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