every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
