last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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