yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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