I want to have your abortion
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
