So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
