I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
