Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
