It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
