i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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