I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
