i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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