his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
