is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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