I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
