So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
