I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You smell like stripper and shame
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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