Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
