hell yes lets make some ravioli
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
