Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
