I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
