So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
