I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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