you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
