I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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