I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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