Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
