Moan for me like Helen Keller
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
God, I missed his penis.
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