the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Randomize
