Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
