Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
