Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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