he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
