Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
