gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
