His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
