Small penises have feelings too.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
