dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
