i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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