I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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