I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
