Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
