I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
