i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
