WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
