p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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