She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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