Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
