You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I could make wine with my vomit
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
