Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Iām gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a ābrilliantā idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
