She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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